Actor Paul Newman once delivered this famous quote, which you may recognize from the away messages of your fellow students after they have been riding the cliché train, a.k.a., the plethora of overused collegiate quotes that imply you are the most badass drinker this side of the Mississippi:

"24 beers in a case, 24 hours in a day. Coincidence? I think not."

As story goes, Newman delivered these now famous words in a speech to Princeton University some time ago. (School officials deny that this was the case, but I think it’s a Nazi cover-up.)

More or less, the object of this day is to partake in massive amounts of binge drinking - drinking one beer an hour for 24 hours, or just until you blackout and piss on your roommate’s bed.

It is the mission of this humble college student to spread the gospel of Paul Newman - advocating unbridled alcohol consumption, debauchery and a complete and total disregard for social norms come this Saturday, April 24th.

Share this with your college brethren from every college campus you know!

Read more about Newman's Day here and how Mr. Newman himself is getting upset about people drinking in his name. Paul, whatever happened to the good ol' times when you were known as "Cool Hand Luke" and you didn't give a fuck about the Man or what other people thought. Shame on you.

It's amazing how impatient the internet viewing audience is. I'm sorry, but Sorority Files is not finished yet. When it's completed, I will update the site immediately - it is not necessary to email and instant message me asking "Is Sorority Files done yet?"

Until then, quit complaining and whining - here are some other sites that are pretty damn entertaining:

Oh my lord... it must be Channukah come early! Thanks to the internet detective work by some anonymous Bucknell students, I was able to come by the Match.com dating profile for "reighndrops," aka Shauna Irwin, aka the Assistant Director of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs at Bucknell.

While I wish I had fabricated this information, sadly, it's all 100% her own words. Allow me to quote some of my favorite excerpts - my comments are in Black.

• I'm a sexy SBPF who is down to earth and extremely positive. For those that aren't hip, SBPF - Single Black Professional Female.
• Body Type: Curvy - No comment.
• Best Feature: A sweet spot not on the list. Ew, that's just uncalled for.
• Want kids: Definitely - And the follow up question - How many: None - What the fuck?
• Turn-ons: Flirting, Dancing, Brainiacs, Boldness / Assertiveness, Erotica, Candlelight. EROTICA?!
• Turn-offs: Skinny dipping, Sarcasm. This would explain why she hates me with a passion... because I am one sarcastic, skinny dipping motherfucker.

I seriously hope she isn't spending her working hours picking up sketchy dudes on the internet, however it wouldn't surprise me in the least if that's the case.

If you want to see the whole profile, check it out here. I saved it off Match.com because, odds are, once she sees this update she will certainly her information... good thing it would be better immortalized here on Modified Living.

Love you Shauna! XOXO

Thank you to all the sorority girls who submitted pictures - I received over 300 in all. On the whole, the pictures were right what I needed for my new project, however there were a few that were just a little bit odd.

Take for example the picture to the right. Lady, I was looking for pictures of sorority girls, not freakishly scary whores who've been smoking crack.

I was hoping that I would have Sorority Files finished before my Spring Break, but it looks like that's not going to happen. I've been lending the webmaster skills to my club lacrosse team's website here at school which has taken most of my allotted weekly web time. At first, it was supposed to be just your basic team site; however, I took the liberty of adding a little Modified Living spice and flavor to it. Take a look at the player profile section - it's not completely finished, but it's still funny.

Finally, you asked for them, and I deliver: more AIM Annoyance convos.

While my fraternity may have been suspended until 2006, a date picked so that no current member would be a part of the re-colonization process - dooming the future brotherhood of Delta Upsilon at Bucknell to be composed of losers, Asians, and the rejects that no other fraternity wanted from the traditional rush process - it does give me slight satisfaction seeing that our chapter house, boarded up like a crack-house from the slums, will greatly tarnish the aesthetic beauty of this campus that the administration holds so dear. Speaking of beauty, it seems that some anonymous scallywag took the liberty of anally mounting a blow-up sex doll from the flagpole of our house. (Click on the picture to the right to get a close up view.) Of course, faculty quickly complained and Public Safety officers were forced to kick down a bedroom door in order to gain access to the roof.

I think I may have doubled up on my adderall dosage considering that in addition to the fratastic update, I also managed to upload a bunch of Pictures that have been laying around forever. Enjoy.

Well, it's official. My fraternity is technically no more. Thanks to the judgments, decision-making and efforts of Bucknell University's administration, our newest Axis of Evil, the brothers of Delta Upsilon have been displaced from our chapter house and forced to live in the general college population.

The administration may have taken away our house and our recognition as Greek students, but they failed to realize what they've created - unadulterated debauchery. Essentially, our organization now has no commitment whatsoever to the University, the community or our national affiliation. Goodbye Delta Upsilon fraternity. Hello Drunken Chaos Incorporated.

While I accomplished little to nothing over winter break, I was able to hire private investigators, namely Mr. T and the A-Team, to turn up some dirt on the Bucknell Administration. It turns out that every one of them has been living a life of deception and illusion - read on to discover the shocking truths about their actual identities. Let's meet the Axis of Evil, shall we?

		On the exterior, Dean of Students, Richard Ferraro, comes off as a very friendly and sincere gentleman - perhaps even appearing as a sympathizer to the Greek community. However, it was recently discovered that his past is somewhat knavish and fraudulent, as he is none other than Watban Ibrahim Hasan, advisor to the recently overthrown Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein! Maybe others are fooled by your fancy laser-eye surgery and the loss of that idiotic looking hat, but not me!
		Associate Dean of Students, Gerald Commerford, is the judge, jury and executioner of Bucknell's strict and oppressive judicial system. Students dread having to visit his office for fear of his over-the-top disciplinary sanctions. Well, the gig's up Commerford, or should I call you by your real name... Jabba the Hut! As an infamous crimelord on the desert planet of Tatooine, Jabba grew tired of bounty hunting and smuggling operations and came to Earth in hopes of a more fulfilling life. Instead, he got a job at Bucknell.
		Director of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, Dean Marrara, supposedly came to Bucknell last year after a job somewhere in Georgia. In reality, this couldn't be farther from the truth! Dean Marrara is actually Kirk Cameron - famed childhood actor and star of TV's Growing Pains. After several unsuccessful attempts to break into the film genre, he married Growing Pains co-star Tracy Gold, promptly ate that anorexic bitch, remarried, and took a job here to avoid the Hollywood limelight.
		While Assistant Director of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs, Shauna Irwin, may not be qualified to handle the day to day operations of a busy Greek community, she is more than qualified to provide tasty syrup to both pancakes and waffles. That's right, you guessed it! Her secret identity reveals that she is none other than Aunt Jemima - everyone's favorite breakfast condiment supplier! Mmm, delicious.

I've been way too busy with finals, my fraternity being suspended and my pesky heroin habit to update the site recently. Fear not, I'll hopefully sit down over winter break and finish up my new Frat guy themed section in addition to another secret section I've been putting together. In the meantime, chew on these for some random, yet interesting entertainment:

AllDumb - CollegeHumor

BigShocker - CampusHook

Looks like I'm now a God Damn Independent:

Announcement to the Bucknell Community,

In keeping with established practice, I am writing to inform the Bucknell community that Delta Upsilon fraternity has been suspended, effective December 2, 2003 through August 2006. At the end of the current fall semester, its members will move out of the chapter house and be provided with accommodations in on-campus residence halls.

In April of 2002, Delta Upsilon had been placed on stayed suspension for a number of conduct violations by the Community Judicial Board (a judicial panel composed of faculty, students and administrators). Then in September of 2003, while not having cleared stayed suspension, it was put on Social Suspension for additional infractions, to extend through May 20, 2004. The terms of social suspension required that there be no underage consumption of alcohol in the chapter house; and it was explicitly noted that if that condition were violated, the chapter house would be immediately closed and house residents would be required to move into University residence hall accommodations.

In early November, while on Social Suspension, a Pop/Son event was held at the chapter house that resulted in a new underage member (a pledge) being brought to the hospital for an extremely serious case of alcohol poisoning.

As a consequence of this Pop/Son event, Delta Upsilon has also been charged with violating the Student Code of Conduct, Category I, Item 13, which relates to improper treatment of a new member.

Finally, individual charges for violating the Student Code of Conduct will be filed against those directly involved in this incident.

Richard J. Ferraro, Ph.D.
Dean of Students