As promised, "Halloween in January" pictures.

On an unrelated note, if you get a chance to kill some time, check out Art Pad. It's a badass website that allows you to make and share entertaining flash artwork. Obviously, I haven't used it for any sort of artistic inclination. Instead, I've discovered that it's absolutely fantastic for making fun of your friends.

Here's a few of my favorites that I've done:
  • Erin  • Amin  • John  • Asian Paul  • Steve (censored by Steve's girlfriend)   

I finally got around to posting the pictures from my November trip to NYC and my adventure to Howard Stern's last show. Photos from this past weekend's "Halloween in January" party will be posted shortly. Sit tight. Whores.

Due to multiple requests by several friends from college (both current students and those who have graduated), I have been commissioned to bring forth an internet smear campaign against a mutual school acquaintance, Leah Cunningham, who was recently featured as an author on a college-genre website for her article, “Sorry Asshole, Will You Forgive Me?”

According to Leah, the article is a “series of confessional apologies to the former assholes [she’s] dated.” I’ve placed a copy of her article on my own site for all to see – largely because I don’t want her getting any traffic from my site, and secondly, to forever immortalize her trashy words of utter whoredom so that her future employers, boyfriends, and (God help us) children might be able to see the true character of this bukkake queen whenever they Google her name.

What’s funny about this whole ordeal is that Leah never actually “dated” any of the guys she talked about in her article. According to one of her former roommates (who shall remain anonymous for fear of being stabbed), “Leah has never officially dated anyone. She’s never been with a guy who would take her out to dinner or anything romantic like that.”

Instead, her fictitious article is just a feeble attempt at achieving internet popularity (Leah, I already have that market monopolized) and some semblance of emotional power. She feels that by publishing these “stories,” others will perceive her as being a strong-willed woman who commands respect from the opposite sex. Sadly, almost every one of her numerous sexual encounters were the direct result of drunken frat guys blacking the fuck out and falling into the gravitational pull of her vagina.

Usually when I log into my Facebook account, I'm pleased to find numerous friend requests from random fans who've stalked the shit out of me (based upon what limited information they can ascertain from this website I'm assuming). However, the other day, I was greeted with perhaps the most bizarre message I have ever seen:

Mind you, this was posted on my public message wall, visible for all to see. Does this shit happen to other people? I certainly hope so. To be perfectly honest, I barely even remember this girl -- I may have had a class with her? I dunno.

Hey Bryn, I'll admit, there was a time during your senior year where I wanted to bang you as well. However, that was just a two-minute window where I thought overweight, ghostly pale, self-deprecating, red-headed Gingers were the sexiest things EVER ... and I think I was very, very high that day.

It appears some angry broad doesn't want to get into the holiday spirit with the rest of us. Check out her wonderful piece of hate mail about my Kwanzaa celebration from last year. And as a token of my good faith towards the true celebration of African history and culture, allow me to present to you:

>> "A Charlie Brown Kwanzaa."

I was recently contacted by a fan of the site who informed me of some rather comical news. Apparently, some girl (Jen) who I had made fun of in an AIM annoyance conversation a while back had placed a post on her LiveJournal blog which detailed her web-altercation with me. In addition to calling me a "douchebag," a term I hold with the highest of esteem, she noted that she's been receiving harassing instant messages from Modified Living fans.

So, to that affect, whoever has been IMing her with "LOL, UR A HO" and "HAHA DUDE U GOT PWNED" ... I salute you. It's this sort of childish behavior that I have come to appreciate and respect out of my beloved fan base. And in case anyone else wants to offer her some words of wisdom, her screen name is: KappsGurl. Although, in future IMs, you may also want to make reference to her massive snaggle-teeth and the fact she's got fuckin' awful fashion sense, as seen in the above picture.

Oh but wait, there's more. As it turns out, the guy who initially blew the whistle on Jen's little blog bad-mouthing was actually one of her ex-boyfriends. After some peer-pressure on my part, Mr. X happily offered me several delicious tidbits of information about Jen and his past relationship.

I give to you: Ten Things You Didn't Know about Jen, aka KappsGurl.

So Jen... what did we learned from all of this?

Next time you want to start an internet battle, it's best not to throw sticks and stones from your flimsy little blog cabin (Get it? Log cabin... blog cabin. Ha, I made myself laugh).

So, in conclusion... while I may be a complete "douchebag," as Jen so eloquently pointed out, she's the one who could actually use a good douche. Ha, she's just a silly ol' stink-puss.

And on two entirely unrelated notes: New hate mail and "Welcome John!"

So the other day, my roommate John informs me that he’s found the MySpace profiles for several cast members of the greatest show that’s ever been created: MTV’s Laguna Beach.

(Before any of you television elitists email me and start squawking about how awful the show is, or how it’s supposedly scripted, please take a brief moment to consider that I don’t give a fuck about what you have to say. Okay, now that that’s taken care of, I shall continue.)

[Note: I’m not a big MySpace fan – I’m just in it for the shits, giggles and whores.] Being the Internet Celebrity that I am, I wanted to friend as many of the cast as possible, especially those who happened to be 18 year old girls from the “Real OC.” As I sifted through a few of their profile pages, I came to realize that many (if not all) of the Laguna Beacher’s had enabled the privacy feature which required a user to know the person’s last name prior to requesting a friendship. Easy enough, I googled the cast for their full names and within minutes I was on my way to MySpace/Laguna sluttery.

And then it happened. I found the profile of Jessica, perhaps my favorite cast member of them all. Don’t get me wrong, I would definitely let LC and Kristin have sex with me, but I’ve got a special place in my heart for my beloved Jessica – I’ve got a thing for emotionally unstable girls with massive breasts. Naturally, Jessica’s profile required her last name as well; however, for some reason her God-given last name (Smith) wasn’t the working. Frustrated, I quickly notified John via IM that I couldn't crack Jessica’s profile and asked him if he’d had any better luck. John replied that he had in fact cracked the correct password to unlock Jessica’s MySpace chastity belt. Eureka!

Alas, if it was only that easy. Knowing how much I love Jessica, my bastard of a roommate refused to give me the correct password, and instead teased and tormented me online. Infuriated, I told John that if he didn’t give it to me I would unleash internet WAR on him by using Modified Living as the catalyst for the biggest smear campaign since the time I publicly embarrassed Bucknell’s Assistant Dean of Greek Life, Shauna Irwin.

Ignoring my threat, John continued his mockery of me for a good ten minutes. Leaving me with little choice, I retaliated by posting this beauty (since removed) which detailed John’s infatuation with the taints of fat women. He wasn’t so much pissed about the implication of taint licking as he was that I posted his full name, AOL screen name, personal email address and cell phone number. In the ensuing twenty or so minutes, John received 3 voicemail messages, 12 emails, and over 30 IMs from you, the loyal Modified Living fan base. Ha, thanks for that.

As expected, John flipped and demanded that I remove his personal information. I refused, noting that I would never negotiate with terrorists, especially those that had taken the prospect of becoming Jessica’s MySpace friend as hostage. Enraged, John blocked all 25 of my screen names and would not talk to me. Although I didn’t have the password information I was hoping for, I was sure this war of attrition would take its toll and he would eventually crack under the pressure.

It was at this point that I realized that John gets back home from work much earlier than I – in which case my room and personal belongings were wide-open for any vengeance towards me that John now harbored. Sure enough, upon my return back to the apartment, John was giggling like a little school girl whose Daddy had just bought her a “Hello Kitty” backpack. After a quick survey of my room, everything seemed to be in order. Obviously, I checked my bathroom next, which is when the foul, putrid stench of an Irishman overwhelmed my nostrils. That’s right. You guessed it. John had upper-decked my toilet. Stellar.

Okay, fair is fair -- we called a truce. With our feuding set aside, so begins John’s inception into the Modified Living family. Expect big things from him in the future, I know I do.

Note: As it turns out, John was lying about having Jessica’s MySpace information in the first place. So Jessica … if you are reading this, will you be my friend? If not, I completely understand… but at the very least, could you please send pictures of your taint to John. Thank you.

Being the asshole that I am, I decided to purchase a Facebook advertisement during my Homecoming Weekend on the behalf of my good friend Joe. Thought you people might get a kick outta my badass marketing skills.

Supposedly a picture is worth a thousand words ... if that's the case, here are a crapload of words I didn't have to type. Sweet. >> Halloween 2005